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Whole Foods and Depression, Tori’s Story: Part 2 of 2

Robyn Openshaw - May 03, 2013 - This Post May Contain Affiliate Links

Robyns Grandma-uncle

“Marilyn Peterson Openshaw, Robyn’s grandmother, in her early 20’s, with her second son Ronald”

This story is worth your time to read.

It made me cry, both when I first read it, and again when I sat down with it to craft it into a blog entry to share with you.

It moved me because, on its own, it’s a gorgeous story. It’s also very close to my heart, because both my paternal grandmother, and my paternal great grandmother, took their own lives at the same age, 33. My grandmother put a bullet in her brain. My great grandmother jumped off a bridge.

Because of this, I never had the chance to know them. I have seen only two photos of my grandmother. I have stared at them for hours. My face looks like hers, and I am built like her. Sharp facial features, thin but curvy. (This was helpful to know, as I’m built like no one else in my family.)

Robyns Dad

“Robert G. Openshaw, Robyn’s dad, as a young boy”

Depression robbed me, and my 15 paternal cousins and siblings, of ever meeting her. More importantly, it left my dad, who was standing in a crosswalk fulfilling his crossing-guard duties at the time Marilyn got the gun out, motherless at the tender age of my son Tennyson. Just 12. I don’t know what my dad was like at that age, but Tennyson still climbs in my lap, every single day.

Please enjoy Tori’s story. Most of it I have quoted in her own words (name changed to protect sensitive details).

mask depressionThree years ago, Tori was at a very low point in her life. She’s a beautiful, young, fit blonde woman who looks like she has life by the tail. She had been struggling with crippling depression, and for 5 years had been on an obscene amount of mood stabilizers and anti-depressants. The meds caused her headaches, grinding teeth, the sensation of her skin crawling, and feeling slow, unemotional, and unable to concentrate.

antidepressant2_090128_mnHer doctor helped her up the dosage, change the dosage, change brands. Tori calls it “an experiment from hell.” But like so many of the rest of us, she says, “I didn’t know what else to do.” She went to therapy. She’d have okay days. Then she’d have weeks or months where she was preoccupied with taking her own life, and she came dangerously close to suicide at least twice. She cut herself constantly.

She said to me, “I HATED ME.”

And Tori is a young mother of two small children.

She carried a photo of them with her, and that is the only thing, she said, that kept her alive: “I didn’t want to die and leave them motherless. But I wanted to give up because I thought nothing was ever going to change and that I would always feel this way. Miserable.”

“I was searching for alternatives when I found your blog. I read it with interest, but wasn’t sure I wanted to blend a salad and drink it. How could that really work? Your blog seemed to tell me it would help, though. Just my luck, I saw that you were coming to the Seattle area in a few months, so I put it on my calendar. I was eager to see you.

spinach stuck in teeth“In between that time, I did make myself a green smoothie in my crappy blender and choked down chunks of it, and my husband swore it was the worst thing ever. I didn’t blame him, as I witnessed spinach leaves attached to his teeth and watched him chew his smoothie. I wasn’t sure this was for me, and it didn’t help that my husband was scoffing at the cost of a Blendtec.”

“I invited some friends to your seminar—and that day, each one canceled. I was very sad and wasn’t sure I wanted to go alone. But I wanted out of the house, and I drove there.

“I was at rock bottom that day. As I was driving the freeway, I saw the embankments and thought to myself, ‘I wonder how fast I would need to go, to fly off that, and be dead rather than injured?’ I did not want to live anymore.

“As you spoke about your own family’s story, with your son, your own health, and your grandmother’s story, I was blown away by the positive effects this way of life could have on someone. I was slightly hopeful, but also overwhelmed at the thought of getting my family off the S.A.D. diet and onto what you were talking about. But I listened—I actually LAUGHED (!!!)—throughout your lecture. You made me smile and enjoy being there learning.

“I thought about buying the 12 Steps to Whole Foods program, but I wasn’t sure, and planned to look at it, at the end of class. You were giving prizes away all night, and a few came very close to my number. Then you came to the grand prize, the Blendtec, and I could see that everyone was smiling and sitting on the edge of their seats. I had very little hope of winning, as that kind of thing just doesn’t happen to me. Yet you slowly read the numbers and……

totalblender-200x300“IT WAS MINE! I WON THE BLENDER!

“I was shocked and speechless, and I think I tried to throw a ‘yippee!’ out there, so you would know how thankful I was, but I’m sure it wasn’t loud enough. I couldn’t believe it. I was stunned.

“By the time I got through the crowd at the end of your talk, your 12 Steps program was sold out. But I ordered it online that night, and it was to arrive soon. I did purchase The Green Smoothies Diet, as well as The Adventures of Junk Food Dude. My kids LOVE that book, and can I tell you how many times they have selected that book to bring in for Show-N-Tell, or write a book report on, or “Bring a Book to School Day?”

“When I got home, I showed my husband what I won, but he thought I’d stopped and bought it at Costco! I told him it was true, I really WON it, and that I was going to make him a REAL smoothie in the morning. It was a simple first effort. But it was smooth, frothy, and delicious! He was so impressed that he asked me to put them in Mason jars so he could take them to work.

“I went off and bought greens I’d never used before and didn’t know what to do with. Kale, swiss chard, and…..what the heck, dandelion greens?!

“In the following months, I was still working with my doctor on meds, and still in therapy. But I also started adding in green smoothies. I love vegetables, but getting ‘in the habit’ with my busy day was a challenge. So I committed to 3 days a week. After the first month, it became 4 days a week, then 5, and now we are up to 6+ days a week drinking the amount of green smoothie you suggest.

“I started educating myself. Went to a naturopath and talked to her about diet and mood. She helped me with a full checkup and some supplement tweaks.

“Slowly I went off my medications. Each time I’d try before, it was a terrible experience. Dizziness, nausea, deepening depression, restlessness. I never wanted to go through that again.

“After a few experiments with natural supplements, I found a combo that worked. And all the while, I was still just drinking green smoothies. Of course my naturopath supported this!

happy chalkboard face“With a healthy breakfast in my belly, I started to WANT to eat a healthy lunch and then a healthy dinner. I lost 15 lbs without trying. I got a dog and walked more. My energy improved. I started to actually sleep, rather than toss and turn for hours. My joints stopped hurting. I felt smarter and could concentrate. I smiled more. I realized I WAS BECOMING HAPPIER!

“About 10 months ago, I completely went off the supplements from my naturopath to see how I’d do. They weren’t bad for me, but I didn’t want to feel tied to them. I’m drug-free to this day. I still have days when I feel down, but it’s never been that dark, dark hole that I was in for a very long time. I have learned how to manage these moods in a more mindful and positive way.

“I know green smoothies aren’t the cure-all to depression. But I really believe it was the kick start. I attribute the green smoothie to better health and well being. I feel BALANCED now!

images-6“I love not only my morning green smoothie, but also your Hot Pink Breakfast Smoothie, and lots of things my kids and I create in the Blendtec. I don’t eat completely raw or plant based, but I have made steps, and I will continue to take more. We got rid of cow’s milk, almost all processed foods, and we have 3 nights a week that are meatless. Small steps are getting me there.

“I make soups, salad dressings, hummus, almond butter, ice cream, and of course smoothies in my blender. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your lentil soup recipe, which is a savior for me getting through the dark Seattle fall, winter, and spring. Our meals have never looked so pretty and colorful!

hope“That night in Seattle was a turning point for me, and I believe someone was watching over me that night. Yes, I walked out the door with the blender. But what I later came to realize was that I walked out that evening with the gift of HOPE. The gift of LIFE. The chance to be the wife, mom, friend, daughter, and sister that I deserve to be.

“I truly believe if I didn’t go that evening, I wouldn’t be here anymore. Robyn, you gave me a new way of looking at life. One green smoothie every morning. To start. It was something I began to look forward to. It helped me fight through the day, to make it to that next morning, when I could continue my commitment to my family. At last, I was doing something good for me. I was nourishing my body and pampering my soul.

“Thank you, Robyn, for the gifts you give to so many who attend your seminars!! You really are a blessing to me, and I am so grateful I came to meet you. You have a gift and I appreciate you sharing years of knowledge with us so we can stop this unhealthy way of life and give our children a chance.”

Posted in: 12 Steps To Whole Food, Green Smoothies, Health Concerns, Mind/Body Connection

23 thoughts on “Whole Foods and Depression, Tori’s Story: Part 2 of 2”

Leave a Comment
  1. Lindy says:

    Thank you for posting this Robyn. What an incredible story. And thank you Tori for sharing your story. I can’t tell you how happy I was to read your story of recovery. You are a strong person and have done something truly amazing by taking these steps. I am certain that your experience will touch many more people than you would have ever guessed.

    Your story is so timely for my family. My brother has extreme depression and is going through a very down time right now. He was in the hospital for a few days, and has cut everyone out of his life and wants a divorce from his wife. He has had thoughts of suicide and you can see he has stopped caring for anything and everyone, including himself. He is going to group therapy (sometimes) and is taking medications. Of course, the side effects of many of those meds are suicidal thoughts.

    I wish so much that there were something I could do for him or say to him. He lives several states away, so it’s hard to do much except call or email and he’s not answering calls or returning emails. He’s cut everyone out.

    I know there are no magic words, and patience and love is needed. But, Tori, do you have any advice for those of us on the other side of this situation? What kind of words/behavior/action/reaction would have helped you when you were in the depths of this?

    Thank you again for sharing your beautiful story. It brings hope to me and I am sure to many others who read it.

    1. Tori says:

      Lindy and Jenny thank you for your kind words, it means a lot. 🙂

      Lindy, I”m sorry that you have a family member that is so deeply struggling right now. That has to be hard to witness and not know what you can do to help him. I can tell you really care about him. I wanted to reply to this post (surely didn’t have intentions) but wanted to address the question that you asked regarding, “What would have helped me when I was in this place?” Know that this is just my answer and by no means an indicator of what will help for all.

      It’s not an easy question to answer because when you are that deep in depression, everything feels hopeless. Everything. It’s so painful. I know medication does help many with depression. It did work for me at times but speaking for myself, the drugs at time became ineffective and that’s when my depression would worsen. It was a constant struggle and I didn’t understand that it was the drugs doing this to me. I thought it was MY INABILITY to fix myself and I felt like I WAS a failure at healing. So I hope he is working with a good doctor but it is hard because I know when I sought out a new one, I was just put on another pharmaceutical combo and I started all over again. Very frustrating.

      I can relate to his behavior of cutting everyone off. For me it was those that truly loved me that I cut off because I didn’t feel worthy of their love. I didn’t want to bother anyone with my pain/illness so I tried to disappear from everyone in my life (hard when you have a young family). Isolation is big though and when you do make the effort to reach out/invite others to something and they aren’t available/cancel, it’s incredibly painful. So if your brother does start to answer calls/emails my advice would be to drop everything and listen and be there. I have a feeling you will do that but often (for me at least) it was me opening the door to reality to see if I am truly worth love, life, etc. And if no one was there or was to busy for me, it was the reassurance that I am unworthy and would send me spiraling again.

      Again for me, it was incredibly difficult to reach out and to talk about what was wrong with me. My mind was in a constant state of fogginess and I could not communicate well what was happening and what I was thinking (due to all the drugs). I was just feeling…………deep and dark pain. But knowing that someone was there for me, that someone was NOT EVER going to leave me, that someone cared and loved me, that someone would sit and listen and not judge was what helped. Therapy really did help me too and it was my therapist that helped me keep going (as well as my husband and kids but they didn’t know the depth of my pain most of the time). SO my advice is to keep reaching out. Believe me when I say that even short messages like, “You were on my mind this morning and I am thinking about you. I love you and want you to know I’m here for you,” helped me. Even though I didn’t reach out to this person that said that to me, it meant a lot to me know that my life had “some” meaning as shocking as that was to me. And I would stare at those messages OFTEN. I might scoff it off and not believe it at first, but when you hear it over and over, it eventually starts to sink in.

      You are right that it takes a lot of love and patience. It really does. It’s not an easy illness to fix. He’s very lucky to have you care so much about him and I hope that his situation improves. I hope this helped some.

      1. Lindy says:

        Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my question. I appreciate it very much. I have read it several times and will take it to heart. Thank you for opening up even further and sharing more of your story so that I and others can understand more. I am sure it wasn’t the easiest thing to do. It helped a great deal.
        I wish you and your family the absolute best.

    2. Amy says:


      Although this story isn’t about me there are a lot of similarities and I thought perhaps I could offer some thoughts and resources. My own personal experience tells me it is so difficult, if not impossible, to know what “words/behavior/action/reaction” can lend support rather than trigger further withdrawal. What I can tell you is that there were times (many times) that people said or did something that helped me hang on, but I can only attribute that to divine intervention as these people seemed to communicate something I knew only God could know. “More is wrought by prayer alone than this world dreams of”.

      Through dealing with Major Clinical Depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder for over 20 years I’ve learned some things and gathered resources that may be helpful for others. Though there are a range of mood disorders that are much more severe than mine, many of the resources I’ve found offer hope for a wide range. Doing battle with the 3 components of depression (thought processes, environment and physical health) has taken me many directions, but the ones I’ve found most helpful are generally evidence based and gaining more ground in the western world:

      True Hope is a non profit company that develops EMPower Plus (along with several other formulations) and they are doing some remarkable work with mental health/medical professionals to bridge the gap between meds and nutritional support. I am hopeful that many who struggle are seeing results in large numbers so the medical community is taking notice and beginning to jump onboard! The testimonials of those suffering from bi-polar, schizophrenia and other mood disorders are compelling. They have continual phone support by well trained consultants for both the individual and the professionals who are working with them.

      I believe Robyn has mentioned the ‘heavy metals’ factor in mood disorders, so I feel it would be appropriate to include a resource that I found effective. I live along the Wasatch Front which has high levels of mercury toxicity and when I tested, before using the products, I also showed several other heavy metals in my system at fairly high levels.
      Maxam Nutraceutics has clathration (rather than chelation) products that have shown very effective with heavy metal and other toxin removal. I’ve used their PCA-Rx and did testing before, during and after which showed the levels shifting.

      While working to make the necessary dietary shifts I’ve used the supplement EMPower Plus, along with GABA; 5HTP and high grade flax oil. These last 3 are relatively inexpensive (I purchase mine at Dr. Daniel Amen’s book “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life” is the resource that pointed me in those directions and “Biology of Belief” by Bruce Lipton PhD led me to include a combination of mind/bodywork (Craniosacral therapy; VoCal; Vortex Chair; iHealth PsyChi). I’m now using doTERRA’s “Lifelong Vitality Pack” to replace most of the above supplements, but have only been using it about 6 weeks so “the jury is still out” on it for me.

      I’ll go out on a limb here in hopes that someone might find these helpful. “Ideal Life Vision” I found works well in dealing with my thought processes. It includes writing a “life vision” in positive, present tense for all areas of my life. I then record what I’ve written, in my own voice, and put the track to baroque music which works with brain algorithms to affect the subconscious mind. It takes some effort to write it initially, but after it is completed it’s as easy as simply listening to it. Brain “entrainment” tracks have also been helpful for me and others I have talked with. These are what I’ve used to ‘maintain’ as I’ve gained some ground in the physical health area.

      I hope these resources prove helpful for anyone reading this thread. I know the time and energy it takes to search out and discover what works can be exhausting in and of itself, so I hope to save others some of the stress that comes with that kind of search. When someone is suffering from a mood disorder overwhelm is already an issue, so I can only go back to my first conclusion in seeking divine aid when it comes to a loved one. I pray your brother finds relief Lindy, both for his sake and for his loved ones.

      1. Lindy says:

        Thank you so much for your response and guidance. What an awesome list of resources!!! I will make note of these. This is all so very helpful!
        I really appreciate your time and trouble!

  2. Jenny says:

    Wow! I am crying now, too! Thank you for sharing that story! It motivates me to keep on the path to wellness, for myself and for my family!

  3. Shannon says:

    I went through a very serious depression a few years ago (was also planning to crash my car), and what saved me was Dr. Hyman’s Ultra Mind Solution. It was the first exposure I’d had to a “non-traditional” look at medicine and nutrition. The only reason I found out about the book was I got an email from a health website I didn’t remember signing up for that had some of my biggest symptoms in the subject line.

    Anyway, his book had quizzes and dosage recommendations for vitamins/supplements. I started feeling much much better within 2 weeks, and his food ideas led me to find Green Smoothie Girl and other “alternative” health ideas.

  4. Tara says:

    Robyn asked for comments about other natural things we have used to help with depression. I take Gaia Herbs’ Rhodiola Rosea every day. It is a Siberian herb which the Scandinavians and Russians have used for winter depression for who knows how long. I take between 1-3 daily, depending on my mood that day and the day before. I also find that avoiding sugar is a big help in my moods, along with getting enough sleep, and meditating.

  5. Faye says:

    This is a very inspiring story! I’m interested in the recipes mentioned, particularly the Hot Pink Smoothie recipe and the Lentil Soup recipe. Which of your books are they in? I want to purchase them.

  6. kathleen says:

    I am so very touched by this true story. thank you so much for sharing. Kathleen

  7. Chris says:

    I have a 15-year-old daughter who has depression and anxiety and is on a handful of meds every day. I am not totally convinced they are helping her, but she is doing better than she was. She’s been hospitalized 3 times in the last 2 years. We are now trying GF and dairy free at the recommendation of our doctor. I came across Green Smoothie Girl on You Tube when I was looking up something totally unrelated. While I do only have a regular Oster blender, I intend on trying to make green smoothies and to get her to eat more veggies in general. She is struggling with this new diet and is already sick of salads. I have enjoyed all of the videos I’ve watched online and look forward to seeing you this summer at one of your events.

  8. Janis S says:

    Wonderful story. Thanks for sharing it with us.

  9. Tammy Davis says:

    Wonderful story, loved it!

  10. Tamara Laing says:

    This remarkable story reminds me of the micro-nutrient deficiency of Autumn Stringam in her book, A Promise of Hope. Autumn’s father was inspired to formulate a highly absorbable vitamin/mineral/amino acid supplement now sold as Q96. Autumn, her brother and thousands of others have been greatly assisted with symptoms of bipolar, anxiety, depression or other mood disorders on it! With continued research the face of mental health treatment looks to be heading towards a micro-nutrient deficiency connection! Thank you for sharing this story.

  11. Jill says:

    Switching to an unprocessed, plant-based diet and running on regular basis helped me overcome depression. With the running, I started out slowly and was eventually able to run for 40+ minutes without stopping. I now run at least 4 days per week, drink green smoothies for breakfast, and eat a low fat vegan diet. If I eat too much sugar or slack off on my running, I can feel the depression start to set back in.

  12. Chris W, says:

    Chris, Good for you to try and help your daughter! Since depression is sometimes a disease of the brain, I thought you might enjoy showing her this talk by an MD that cured herself of MS by changing her diet.
    Although she eats a little meat, the main things that she eats are greens, vegetables, and fruits. It is an amazing story and gives me hope that many doctors are starting to recognize the importance of diet in the curing of diseases.

  13. Jill says:

    Tori, thanks for sharing your story. I also suffered from deep depression and was on medication for about 10 years. With the help of a nutritionist/kinesiologist I was initially able to get off depression/anxiety meds for about seven years. Then over the last 3-4 years I’ve been doing EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) which gave me tools I can use myself for ongoing healing. On occasion I’ll see an EFT practitioner who gives insight and clearing on things where I may get stuck. Briefly, EFT is a technique that helps clear the negative feelings and thoughts you are accustomed to holding onto that put you in the downward spiral of depression. After clearing negative thoughts, you then replace them with positive affirmations.

    Since I am a Christian, something else that made a big difference was reading the book “Remembering Wholeness” by Carol Tuttle – it literally changed my life! It helped me see that the purpose of Chist’s atoning sacrifice was so I could hand those issues (depression and anxiety) over to the Savior. It’s my belief that depression is a very powerful tool for Satan partly because if God’s beloved children feel worthless and have suicidal thoughts, Satan wins!

    It was through an EFT friend that I was invited to one of Robyn’s classes in White Plains, NY. I’m not the most dedicated healthy eater, but I feel drinking a quart of green smoothy three or four times a week (baby steps) is one of the best things I can do for myself, and I’m grateful to have it as one of the tools in my arsenal.

    1. nobody says:

      I wish I could get to the place Tori is at. I fantasize about suicide nearly everyday- I even have a pretty good plan- but I have three kids and I know I would destroy their lives if I followed through. Yet I’m a horrible mother because I can’t be happy for them and I’m constantly in a bad/sad mood. I feel like my husband should find a new wife and mother for them. Medication doesn’t help, I would try anything to feel like life was worth living again. I’ve even considered electric shock therapy- anything to make life bearable. It just seems too much and I feel like I’m a burden, it would be simpler and easier on everybody if they just didn’t have to deal with me anymore. I have a difficult time believing that eating more vegetables is going to make a difference, but I’d be willing to try if nothing but to lose some weight and feel better about myself.

      1. Robyn says:

        “nobody”—you aren’t nobody. And you’re right, your family very much needs you. And you need to live your life, in charge of it, and enjoying it, too. I don’t think that just “eating more vegetables” is exactly what we’re talking about. It’s more like, educating yourself about the effects of specific foods on our emotional health, eliminating the ones that are hurting, bringing in the ones that nurture us…..and along with some other lifestyle issues that should be addressed, slowly climbing out of that hole. I hope that, like Tori did, you exercise a grain of faith and start making every day baby steps. Please know that we have been there (me, too) and won’t ever go back—but there is so much life to be lived. I would love to see you be writing us a story about phenomenal improvement soon. Much love,


      2. Amy says:

        “nobody” who is Somebody…when you wrote ‘I would try anything to feel like life was worth living again’ did you really mean it? Because if you do, I think you have that ‘grain of faith’ Robyn is referring to. Change is challenging, but possible. You CAN get to where Tori is, but as you read her story it’s clear there are MANY steps she took to get there. Every one who commented on this thread about how they are overcoming depression started with just one ‘baby step’. My comment above gives a resource that might be helpful for you if medication hasn’t helped…Truehope has a great support network and some insurance companies are even beginning to cover the cost of the supplement. I found it to be an important ‘bridge’ as I began to make the necessary lifestyle and nutritional changes. Melissa essential oil has also been found to be effective with depression. I hope you feel empowered by all these comments and take steps to receive the support you need! Take care!

      3. Tori says:

        Nobody, I hope it’s okay that I respond to you. So much of what you said I completely resonated with. SO MUCH. Down to the plan and to the thinking about “it” constantly. My heart breaks for you because it takes me back to that place deep inside me. Word by word, I get it…….I have said it myself. So I say this with strong conviction that I believe you too can be a the place I am at. And believe me, I still struggle. I still have days when I feel down and I need to reach out to a therapist or someone but I don’t have those dark dark days when I am planning my end anymore. I wish I could say that all depression will and can disappear and perhaps for some/many it can but it’s a possibility that it won’t go away completely. As humans though, we all ebb and flow through that cycle of life.

        What did help for me and what is mentioned in the article that Robyn put together is that the “baby steps” to get me here is what really started this. No, a green smoothie won’t cure you but it surely puts you along the right path. Can I tell you how much better I feel when I start out my day with a healthy drink like a green smoothie? My gosh, it truly is a world of difference. Sometimes I would eat nothing and drink coffee and hydrogenated coffee creamer (ick now!) and then sometimes a bowl of cereal only to which I would be starving shortly thereafter. Now I drink a solid Mason jar full of smoothie and I’m not only stuffed but I have abundant energy. No, this wasn’t immediate. It built up over time. But I started to look around for other recipes and smoothies my kids could like and I began researching which led me down trails and trails of internet searches googling what certain veggies were and how chia seeds could really help me.

        I became enthralled with this way of eating and it was something EXCITING for me and my mind started to move beyond the “oh I’m a piece of crap, my poor kids would do better with a different mom,” to things like, “oh gosh, I ate so well this morning, I want to continue that…….what salad or healthy grain can I make for lunch? I can’t wait to sign up for this vegetarian cooking class so I can expand my knowledge in that form of cooking.” (No, I am not a vegetarian but trying to incorporate more and more vegetable intake into my family who fortunately all loves vegetables).

        And can I say once I got rid of sugar and gluten (hard and I’m not perfect at it as I do love me a piece of licorice at the movies!) I feel a lot better. In fact, as silly as it sounds, I will find myself eating red/yellow/orange peppers and thinking they are so sweet. But really getting rid of sugar and gluten (processed foods) were huge for me.

        Again, not a cure all but a move in the right direction…… baby steps.

        And FWIW, I’m not one to share supplement info necessarily without you talking to your doctor but the combination that worked for me was 500 mg of L-TRyptofan and 500 mg of L-Tyrosine twice a day, breakfast and at lunch and then 1000 mg of Tryptofan at night. This helped with my mood, carb cravings and helped my sleep tremendously.

        Now please before you go out and purchase this, I would advise you to talk to your doctor first. I had taken a few of the ones mentioned above in other comments before and they didn’t work for me but glad to hear that they worked for others.

        So don’t give up if the first time you don’t find them working.

        ANd yes, you will still experience feelings while on them, just hopefully not to the point where you are fantasizing about suicide. And if you don’t have one already, please please please……..find a trusted therapist you can work with. Mine has helped wonders for me and it’s so helpful to talk to her. Since this blog post……I decided to go back on the supplements after some things came up for me but I’m okay with that. I won’t always and I suppose if I am then maybe I am. But I’m better off for now with them.

        Sorry, this was so long. When I read your comment I felt so sad as I get it. Yes, your family does need you. Your kids DEFINITELY need you. You were brave to put this out there and so glad you did. I see this as a small way you were reaching out and if anything I hope you can walk away with a bit more hope. You are someone worth fighting for……and it sucks to feel this way…..but keep fighting and do lots of self care. You are worth it! Okay? You matter to this world!

  14. Kim says:


    Thank you for sharing your story. I am in tears just reading how you survived. I know your story will help others – your path is revealed. Keep sharing your story. You will bless someone… many someones.


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