Our beautiful template for infinite variety of greens and superfoods in your smoothies— print this and eliminate the need for recipes!

get it now for free!

GSG Goes Down In Flames in Smackdown, part 1 of 3

By Robyn Openshaw, MSW | May 01, 2011

The smackdown. I didn’t even know what hit me. My opponent’s boss had warned me, whispering, “She is CRAZY! She manhandled my husband out of a chair at the company party–and that was just MUSICAL CHAIRS, for crying out loud!”

When she came in wearing combat boots and a gun belt, that should have been my first clue.

Team “G.I. Jillene” was out in force, wearing signs around their necks.

Kristin, my best friend and the sum total of Team GreenSmoothieGirl, sadly said, shaking her head as Jillene mixed up her Death Sludge: “Robyn, you are just WAY too nice for this contest.”

She’s right–I’m so straight-up I never even see devious people coming. Not even in the movies. While I threw some stuff in a bag last-minute and relied on none of it being frozen, and no sweetener, to gag her…..she and her co-workers were hatching evil plans for days.

They didn’t even use wheat grass juice. All my training was kid stuff. What she did would make a grown man FANTASIZE about wheat grass juice.

The two-fruit rule we agreed to? Jillene chose a HABANERO PEPPER and a whole lemon for her fruit! I had brought an orange and an apple.

I spent a copious amount of time afterward hanging over the toilet, trying not to throw up my almost-quart of:

1. HORSERADISH ROOT. A big, fat, six-inch long root.

2. Rhubarb. (I had to NEGOTIATE for this–beg the ref, really!–as an alternative for the habanero!)

3. Frozen radishes.

4. Dandelion stems.

5. The ENTIRE peel from a whole lemon.

6. I don’t even know. My mind went numb. I just saw scary green things goin’ in the blender. Thick and frozen.

You know what horseradish does in your mouth? It does the same thing in your STOMACH.

Funny, because I wasn’t even nervous going in. I have always had an iron stomach. Since the winter of garage-juicing the wheat grass juice, I’ve thrown up only once in the past 15 years.

The rest of the story tomorrow!

Posted in: Events, News

4 thoughts on “GSG Goes Down In Flames in Smackdown, part 1 of 3”

Leave a Comment
  1. Anonymous says:

    You forgot a big fat juicy steak?

  2. Man up girl!! Ask for a rematch and get nasty!!!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Are you sure she IS a she?

  4. Anonymous says:

    Dear Robyn,

    I live in Southern Louisiana about 120 miles west of New Orleans. Our region is sometimes called the Cancer Belt of the U.S. Our cajun heritage often signifies very friendly people who love eating too much of the wrong food! Often times rich, fried, fatty food and large portions of it. Hence, signifying the region name mentioned above. Although I am no longer practicing these unhealthy eating habits, many people still do because they are just not informed about healthy food and eating habits. The food industry does not help matters either with all the conflicting information and marketing ploys to sell,sell,sell! Many people think they are eating healthy when they are actually NOT! I was wondering if you would consider planning a seminar in our “neck of the woods” sometime in the future? FYI: We don’t all live in the swamp with the alligators! LOL

    Debbie

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

What people are saying

26-Day Detox

This was exactly the kickstart I needed to regain control of my health. THANK YOU, Robyn Openshaw! I look forward to repeating the detox in the future and already have family members wanting to join me! It's amazing what we can do when we simply put our MINDS to it!"
— Abby, Ohio
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!

Support