I told my lifelong best friend, Laura, in San Francisco, that a Forbes article talked about GSG. I told her I was doing an interview with the writer, Ken Krogue, founder of InsideSales, the next day.
She texted me, “Tell him Mitt is your cousin. Forbes loves stuff like that.”
I started that morning with this inner dialogue:
“For once DON’T ramble off about stupid things. Don’t don’t don’t. Do NOT talk about Mitt Romney being your mom’s first cousin. Then he might actually KNOW Mitt and somehow perhaps discover Mitt doesn’t actually know you from Eve.”
(The Romneys, we are a BIG family. I have 65 first cousins. My mom has more.)
So Ken calls me for our interview. Right while I am reminding myself to, as my friend Ben says,
Ken tells me he is jumping in and out of cabs in New York City, and this is what comes out of my mouth:
“I love New York City! Just last Thanksgiving, I was running along the Lower East Side, along the Hudson in Manhattan, and I found a dead body in the river!”
That’s good stuff. Really cool thing to say when you have 20 minutes to somehow capture your great passion in life, which you feel is wildly important to millions of people’s futures.
It’s at LEAST as uncool as name-dropping your famous cousin you don’t actually even know.
We did eventually roll around to the great green smoothie:
Ken: “On a scale of 1 to 10, where is a green smoothie? Is it a 10?”
Robyn: “Well, no. It’s a 9.”
Ken: “Wow, then what’s a 10?”
Robyn: “Fresh juice made from greens and vegetables. I make cucumber, beet, celery, carrot juice. Or a shot of wheat grass juice.”
Ken: “What about Naked Juice? I know it’s pasteurized. The bottle says ‘lightly pasteurized.’”
Me: “Mmm, it’s a fruit smoothie, all the enzymes killed, some of the vitamins and minerals degraded, with a little pinch of some good green stuff like spirulina in there. I don’t know that I have anything for 6, 7, and 8, but I give that green Naked juice….maybe a 5.”
Ken: “How about a V-8?”
Me: “Um, that’s a 4. Too much salt. Very pasteurized. High in sugars. Mostly tomato, not much else.”
Ken: “And a glass of orange juice?”
Me: “2 or 3. An orange is a synergistic thing of beauty, a whole food. Lots of fiber. Some sugar, not too much. The juice, though, has no fiber and the sugar of eight oranges! I’ve never fed my kids juice as I’ve raised them.”
Ken: “And how about a soda?”
Me: “Can we have negative numbers?”
Ken and I decide on a ZERO for the soda.
He asks me to do a ranking, for DRINKS a busy executive might buy. The idea is to help someone trying to make better choices. In Ken’s case, the demographic he calls the “old, fat, busy executive.” But we’re all busy, whether we’re an executive or not.
I’m in the demographic you could call “trying-to-pretend-I’m-not-
Matthew, a “40-ish, busy, thin, single-dad realtor,” sometimes texts me, “IM2BZ2P!”
What about you?
Help me if I’m leaving anything out, or if you disagree with this ranking, tell me why:
THINGS YOU CAN DRINK, WORST TO BEST
-1 Red Bull and other energy drinks, alcoholic drinks
0 Sodas, Diet Sodas, Coffee, Nutrasweet Drinks (Capri Sun, etc.)
1 Zevia or other naturally sweetened sodas, no chemicals, or stevia-sweetened Vitamin Water Zero
2 Fruit juices (no sugar added)
4 Naked Juice, the green one (there’s a small amount of greens in it, read the label for how small!)
5 Kombucha, no sugars added
6 Kefir of any kind, no sugars added (add only fruit)
7 WATER (arguably a 10, because of its importance, but something has to go here in #7)
8 Our green drink you shake up with water
9 green smoothie (no sweetener added)
10 Fresh green / vegetable juice, and wheat grass shots