You think I’m going to start talking about chocolate syrup and strawberries in the bedroom as props. I’m not. I have WAY better advice than that.
Moms of young children are very often less interested in sex than their partners. Husbands are frustrated and wonder what happened to the energetic woman they married. (Have a little patience, guys. It very well may be temporary. Kind of a LONG temporary, I know, but still—it’s a season.)
Historically, at least when Masters and Johnson were doing their landmark work on North Americans and sexual practices and attitudes, women hit their “sexual prime” at 40, but these days, researchers see less of that. More and more, some women don’t even HAVE a sexual prime. They’re perennially exhausted, and with reserves running low, sex is the first thing to go.
Another growing phenomenon is low testosterone in men—so men have less interest in sex now, many of them, than they did 50 years ago. (Not all of them, of course. But a surprising number.)
If you’re GreenSmoothieGirl, many people know you’re single, some people know you’re a former sex therapist, and everybody knows you know a lot about nutrition…..my point is, people tell me stuff. Turns out, lots of women, and some men, too, are suffering with sexual dysfunction, or just a lack of interest in it.
I have some thoughts. First of all, if you’re married to a mommy who seems disinterested in taking her clothes off for you at 10 pm, keep in mind how women get their sexual needs met. It’s primarily through touch. Think about how much TOUCH a young mom is getting. Sometimes you literally have multiple small, cuddly, cute people hanging around your neck. By the end of the day, you’ve had more touch than you can take. Or, at least—you’ve had that need met.
This is not, however, how a man gets his sexual needs met. So he’s frustrated. The 30’s, while couples are raising small children, is typically the lowest marital-satisfaction period of time in the span of a marriage. And this phenomenon we’re discussing today is the most often-cited reason.
One thing everyone needs to do, to clear all the negative energies from your endocrine system, male or female, is get away from endocrine-disrupting chemicals. Don’t drink out of plastic containers or microwave stuff in plastic (or heaven forbid, Styrofoam).
Don’t drink tap water–avoid fluoride and chlorine. Get a carbon filter on the whole water system in your home. Get a reverse osmosis filtration system, at a minimum. Best of all is if you have R.O. water, and a water ionizer.
Don’t eat soy! Most of it in the U.S. is genetically modified, but also, there is soy protein isolate and soy lecithin and a dozen other processed soy fractions in everything boxed, everything canned, everything manufactured by humans these days, including almost all BREAD products. Soy mimics estrogen in the body and disrupts normal hormone function. Don’t use soy milk or any other products—occasionally, organic only, small amounts of miso, edamame, tofu, nama shoyu or Bragg’s, are okay.
Quit using chemical skin-care products. Putting it on your skin is the same as eating it. Your skin is a living, breathing organ, and it takes what you put on it into the bloodstream. Make a shift to the things you put on your skin being only natural. My moisturizer is organic coconut oil. And essential oils, especially lavender, for the sun damage.
Get on my diet. It’s called 12 Steps to Whole Foods. When greens are what you eat most of, then vegetables, fruits, legumes…..guess what, those are the most nutrient-dense classes of foods…..weight loss is nearly invariable. Green smoothies are just a good first step.
Even being 10 pounds over your normal weight can very noticeably affect libido. You think depressed libido is because you don’t feel sexy or uninhibited when you’ve got love handles or thigh flab. That’s only part of it.
(An important part! Feeling sexy and energetic DOES lead to you being your best self—in all ways. On the flip side, having to turn the lights off, avoid certain body parts being visible, or worrying about insecurities, leads to nothing good in the bedroom.)
The other part is how even just an extra 10 lbs. truly depresses circulation and endocrine functions. You really need those functions, for good lovin.’
If the nutritional suggestions I’m about to give you don’t do the trick, consider visiting a bioidentical hormone specialist. A little natural testosterone cream can be a libido lifesaver, but only if blood or urine tests show you’re low in that department. (Women over 40, did you know there’s a female testosterone?) Most women are estrogen-dominant, as well, no thanks to the above-mentioned endocrine disruptors. (The list would be as long as my arm of all the chemicals in our food supply and cosmetics that can play a role in that.) So often a progesterone cream is needed, which balances estrogens in the female body.
Please get these ONLY from a bioidentical practitioner. The drugs, from the other guys? The substances are not identical to what your body makes. They are harmful and may have some symptom-abatement results in the short term, but they are also associated with negative side effects and disease risk. Dr. Bryan Turner, M.D., is a bioidentical practitioner sponsoring my lecture in Provo this Friday night.
Add these things to your green smoothie. Call the recipe Good Green Love. Or Sexy Smoothie 2.0. Half for you, half for your partner. Here they are:
1. Maca. Easy to get online or at the health food store, prized by the Incas for its effect on sexual performance and libido, as well as all types of energy.
2. Bee pollen. The queen bee uses it for reproductive health. Humans respond well to it, too.
3. Celery. Yes, the vegetable I affectionately like to say comes from the cardboard family. Put it in your smoothie where you won’t notice it, since it contains androsterone, a precursor to pheromones that positively affect the sexual behavior of your partner.
Get more foods containing ZINC, which blocks the enzyme that converts testosterone to estrogen. Soak raw pumpkin seeds and put them in your oatmeal or granola. Watermelon relaxes blood vessels and increases blood flow and lubrication. You can get a supplement of L-arginine, which is an amino acid which can dilate the right blood vessels to improve arousal.
Asparagus is rich in folate, which regulates histamine (released during orgasm). Bananas have several compounds that lead to testosterone production and blood flow, and therefore great sex: potassium, B vitamins, and the enzyme bromelain.
So try those ideas, and get in the bedroom and see what happens.
Enjoy! (Also, have a little moment of grieving silence, will you, for your SINGLE friend GreenSmoothieGirl?)
Regardless of whether this is all academic for me personally at the moment, I want y’all happy in every area of your life, including and especially the part that happens behind closed doors.