GSG Goes Down In Flames in Smackdown, part 1 of 3

The smackdown. I didn’t even know what hit me. My opponent’s boss had warned me, whispering, “She is CRAZY! She manhandled my husband out of a chair at the company party–and that was just MUSICAL CHAIRS, for crying out loud!”

When she came in wearing combat boots and a gun belt, that should have been my first clue.

Team “G.I. Jillene” was out in force, wearing signs around their necks.

Kristin, my best friend and the sum total of Team GreenSmoothieGirl, sadly said, shaking her head as Jillene mixed up her Death Sludge: “Robyn, you are just WAY too nice for this contest.”

She’s right–I’m so straight-up I never even see devious people coming. Not even in the movies. While I threw some stuff in a bag last-minute and relied on none of it being frozen, and no sweetener, to gag her…..she and her co-workers were hatching evil plans for days.

They didn’t even use wheat grass juice. All my training was kid stuff. What she did would make a grown man FANTASIZE about wheat grass juice.

The two-fruit rule we agreed to? Jillene chose a HABANERO PEPPER and a whole lemon for her fruit! I had brought an orange and an apple.

I spent a copious amount of time afterward hanging over the toilet, trying not to throw up my almost-quart of:

1. HORSERADISH ROOT. A big, fat, six-inch long root.

2. Rhubarb. (I had to NEGOTIATE for this–beg the ref, really!–as an alternative for the habanero!)

3. Frozen radishes.

4. Dandelion stems.

5. The ENTIRE peel from a whole lemon.

6. I don’t even know. My mind went numb. I just saw scary green things goin’ in the blender. Thick and frozen.

You know what horseradish does in your mouth? It does the same thing in your STOMACH.

Funny, because I wasn’t even nervous going in. I have always had an iron stomach. Since the winter of garage-juicing the wheat grass juice, I’ve thrown up only once in the past 15 years.

The rest of the story tomorrow!

Posted in: Green Smoothies