Help! I’m in Zucchini Hell!

I have this kind of random list of questions to ask God when I get on the other side. Some of them are The Big Questions. Why do 15-year old crackheads get pregnant so easily when my friend Jamie, who would be a world-class mother, can’t? Why are people supposed to make huge decisions like who to marry, and have babies, in their 20’s when they don’t know anything about anything yet?

Stuff like that. But I have some small questions, too, that really nag at me.

Like, WHY ARE ZUCCHINI PLANTS SO PROLIFIC? I mean, how much can one family eat?! It’s not even like people LIKE zucchini that much, if my kids are any indicator. Why can’t raspberry plants produce so much??

The amazing thing is that I seem to plant MORE THAN ONE plant each year. Why do I do this?? When I pick up my produce from Jacob’s Cove each Monday, I get my allotment of wonderful things like multi-colored cherry tomatoes, and unusual greens, and beets. And then they point at these giant boxes and say, “TAKE ALL YOU WANT OF THE SQUASH.”

I heard this joke once about someone coming from out of state to visit a Utah friend. One the way home from the airport, the friend stops at 7-11 for a drink and leaves the door unlocked to go inside. Then they stop for lunch at a restaurant and she again leaves the door unlocked to go inside. Then they go to church and she LOCKS THE DOOR. The out-of-state visitor said, “Uh, that’s random. You don’t lock your car at 7-11 or a restaurant–why at church?” The Utahan whispers, “It’s zucchini season! When we get out of church, if we don’t lock it, the car will be full of squash!”

There’s this “Share the Bounty” shack near my house somebody built. (Cool idea, right?) This time of year, it’s All Zucchini All The Time.

I put some of my favorite squash recipes in Ch. 5 of 12 Steps to Whole Foods and the Jump-Start recipe collection. Zucchini pitas, carpaccio, and cookies. I love spiraled, raw or barely-steamed zucchini “noodles” instead of pasta. (Pizza Factory makes them, if you’re local.)

Did you know squash leaves are edible? Throw them in your green smoothies!

Please tell me what you do to dig your way out of zucchini hell! Favorite recipes welcomed here! (My kids are sick of all my ways to slip squash into the dinner . . . yesterday I texted my 17-y.o. telling him when to come home to eat, and I had to entice him by saying, “It’s a NO-SQUASH meal!)