should I go out with this guy?
I told y’all some time ago that I was in the final stage of my divorce. Thanks again for all your support and kind words, both on the blog and in private emails. We are all doing okay, I think.
So my divorce was final a while ago and I have started putting my little toe in the dating pool. That is scary, after 20 years! I am talking to a guy with whom I share religious beliefs, who is a father of three, smart, educated, successful, and physically fit.
The only issue? I hope you all get a big belly laugh out of this. What he does for a living is that he’s a district operations manager of a bunch of . . . PHARMACIES.
Should I go out with him, or not? In his defense, he has checked out GSG.com and doesn’t seem scared. AND, he wrote me this (I’m paraphrasing since he said it to me in IM so I don’t have an exact quote):
“I work in pharmaceuticals for the money. But the medical profession has created a monster. People are gobbling up pills in record numbers; in some venues I see elderly people eating 30-40 pills a day. They’d probably feel just as good taking a placebo.”
Okay, GSG readers, your opinions on earthy crunchies dating pharmaceutical people?
You will never know unless you go out with him. You could have major issues between you, and then again, who knows, he could convert to your lifestyle. I think the main thing is to be yourself, let him know upfront how important this is to you…and if you are both interested after the first date, take LOTS of time to really get to know one another.
Then again, if this was an issue in your first marriage, and I have no idea if it was or not, this might not be the mountain to climb again.
Go for it. Have fun. People need to work to pay their bills and there are good people in every field…
Aren’t you afraid that this man will be reading this post and all our advice? You have to follow your heart, but sometimes your heart misleads you so use your head on this one. Do you think that if you don’t give yourself more time to grieve your divorce that this would just be a rebound date? You are a very smart woman, trust your instincts!
Ughhhh….soooo he’s ok making money off of making people sick? Just wondering. I know you…you’d convert him in a heartbeat. I wonder if he would be able to pass on a green smoothie with his prescription?
Hee! I think you should just have a nice time for once and quit thinking about everything. Just go and have some fun. Keep your head and heart out of it for once!
Go to a movie….go for a hike…a walk…..: )
Let me just say: You are brave. While they say to stay single at least a year following a divorce, I’ve taken more time than that. And I still weigh these issues.
My suggestion: Get to know him as a friend. You’ll learn just as much, if not more, by just hanging out and seeing how he lives and thinks through his values.
I love that you shared this with us!
I think you should go out and have a nice time. Take your life one day at a time. God has given us the grace to live ONE day at a time. Just take it as it comes. Go slow….smile…breathe….live.
I know it seems so fast to many…but I am sure you have been ‘divorced’ in a way for many years and it could do you some good.
Do your children know? How are you going to tell them?
I have to agree with Leslee and Isle dance. You need to take it slow and take your time getting into a relationship.
Absolutely go out with him. WOO HOO And if you think he is hot, I bet he thinks you are one hot mama. Because you are!!!! lol
However, this does not mean that you have to make any commitments or long term decisions – at this stage. Feel your way around and see what is comfortable for you and your children. And his children too.
I think its hilarious that he is working in pharmaceuticals.
My one bit of advice … take your time and have fun.
I have more of a story to relate than an opinion to give:
I have a good friend who was a successful pharmacist and owner of a franchise of a nationally branded pharmacy. At the same time, he was also a very successful cattle rancher.
Day in and day out he saw that the drugs never actually helped anyone; that they only managed disease and never brought healing. He watched many people die over the years.
Well, he couldn’t stand it and started researching nutrition. To make a long story short, he sold the cattle and the pharmacy, and is now a naturopath (as successful as ever, might I add) who uses raw foods.
The point is, people come to places of change. Is he one of those people? Is he fulfilled and satisfied with what he does? I think winning him over would be a great ictory for “our side.” ;o)
Sorry…that is supposed to say “victory.”
Well at first I was thinking, hmm maybe not. But then I thought, hey it would be a great opportunity to convert someone in that field to all natural foods and health. Although converting a grown man to a new way of life is quite the task I have decided. My husband is really becoming accustomed to green smoothies and bright colorful salads. His skin is clearing up (again) because of it. Whenever he takes more time than necessary in the bathroom, I just remind him it is because of what he ate. Anyway, he sounds like a great guy. I’m interested to know what happens. But sometimes it is hard to teach an old dog new tricks.
I don’t see any issue with casually seeing him, at this point you don’t even know if you’re at all compatible. I don’t believe you can divorce who you are from what you do, but that’s not to say that people can’t change and find a real passion in something new!
I was in the same situation a little over a year ago. I was just divorced and the last thing I wanted to do was to go out and date just to get hurt again. So when a guy started showing interest in me, I just gave it all to God. My advice – get to know him, but stay close to God. Let Him guide you every step of the way, you can’t go wrong with Him! (btw, the guy who was interested in me turned out to be a very godly man and we are now happily married!)
I love to start the day out with a good laugh. The responses to your question,( which fun for you to ask,) were very entertaining.
What gave me the big laugh, is how we find someone we like, and then want them to become someone else. LOL I would think if this man is reading this, he would have visions of all these women ganging up on him to change and mold him to their liking. HA
I would think unless he has “mother issues” he would run!!
For heavens sake, if you go out with him it is just a date. Go if you want, don’t if you don’t. I don’t think what he does for a living is going to contaminate you, nor is it contagious. HA HA
Robyn, you havent told us whether you are already dating A. Or even if you have met. Did you meet him online or through church? All we know about him is what he does for a living, has 3 children. Sounds like a good start. But take it easy nonetheless.
Well since you asked……………………
I’m of the belief that you should only date after your youngest child has turned 18. You can avoid a world of hurt for them by remaining single. I hate to be the only wet blanket in the crowd but I’ve seen a lot of innocent kids get hurt by their parents dating. The kids can get attached to this new person and then you may decide not to date anymore so their world is shattered once again. Bottom line: it’s not fair to kids. There are 7 kids involved here! Your 4 and his 3.
They don’t need added drama in their lives.
Jennifer, my ex-husband says that’s Dr. Laura’s advice, too. I’m pretty young and pretty social to close that avenue off completely. I guess I would like to replace my social life that heretofore has revolved around married people and make some new friends who have been down this path I’m on.
Anyway, you guys have given me lots of laughs today. Mostly I was wondering if you guys think a GSG could be with a pharmaceutical guy.
I’m with Isle Dance. I’d take some more time to heal. It’s only been a month or two.
A few things…
1. I never think it’s okay to date a guy that you are determined to change. That seems to be a common misconception about dating, but if you think you could ever learn to accept his lifestyle, you could try it out.
2. I have the unfortunate circumstance to be working as a sales rep for a medical company (medical equipment, not drugs but they all still benefit the good of terrible US medicine). I am very ashamed of what I do and I’ve come to realize that I can’t continue if I want to be at peace with my beliefs and in harmoney with my chosen way of life. I realized this incongruence and impossible double standard immediately after joining the company. The bottom line is NO amount of money could make me stay in it – I am actively looking to switch careers.
I don’t know if this helps, but it’s one way of looking at things…
I used to love Dr. Laura, and now I’m not sure about her. I think that part of the time she is nutso. But I am kind of with Jennifer on this one, especially whereas your kids’ father is still active in their lives. If there was no father in the picture, I could understand wanting to provide them with a father figure (though Dr. Laura disagrees). But I don’t understand wanting to openly date for a social life, when there is so much at stake for the kids. As Dr. Laura bluntly but truthfully points out, you and your ex husband have already destroyed their family. No need to bring more trauma into it.
If it were me, I would probably remain single for a long time, and make sure I’ve got ‘me’ all figured out and that everyone was through a lot of the grieving process from the divorce before I thought about dating. But you seem to already have yourself figured out pretty well, and maybe you’ve grieved the divorce before it even happened, so ‘if it were me’ isn’t really relevant
And of course I do believe in revelation, giving things to God, etc. Sometimes that can change carefully laid plans.
I say go ahead and date, but not around the kids. They don’t have to know about it. You can quietly set up dates when they’re in school or on their nights with Dad. I would think it would be a good idea to not bring the kids into it unless it gets marriage-level serious.
As for a GSG and a pharmaceutical rep, hmmmm. It doesn’t sound too promising, especially if you’re really idealistic about nutrition, rather than just being in it ‘for the money’.
Go for it. People come and go in our lives for specific reasons…we just don’t always know the why. Just as we come and go in other peoples lives. I believe we are all intertwined. Getting to know someone is safe, you are not planning on getting married to this guy tomorrow
. It is called baby steps….same thing with introducing green smoothies to my family’s diet….we started with more fruit in the beginning and now they are as green as they can get! Good for you in stepping out of your comfort zone too!
I think you can date and have a life without introducing the person into the childrens’ lives until you know there is something to the relationship… it can take a long time to find the right person…. it took me 8 years….
Try to find a middle ground between what you want and a bit of Dr Laura’s good advice!
Do you think your ex isn’t dating….. NOT! He just doesn’t have the kids all the time. Arrange your dates on the nights and weekends that he has the kids if that is possible with the guy. Try changing weekends with the ex if you need to to make it work out sometimes. Be flexible. Otherwise, meet them out somewhere and get a sitter. After all you would have had dates with your ex if he was still around wouldn’t you?
You have to start somewhere and a date is just a date… the kids can know you are dating… just not who until you are totally ready and sure of things. Be Discrete!
You may never need to put that into their lives if it takes you a while like it does so many people!