Green Feces . . . part 1 of 9 on the subject of ELIMINATION (yes, pee, poo, flatulence, colon cleansing, the whole 9 yards)

Dear GreenSmoothieGirl: This is kind of a personal (and slightly embarrassing) question here but I really need to ask it. I have read that dark colored urine means that all the vitamins you take aren’t being absorbed into your body. What about green feces? Is that a good or bad sign? Is it typical?

Answer: I’m gonna get really clear and blunt about this subject, no euphemisms. People want to know about it, but they don’t want to ask. This being a big and important topic, involving a 30-feet long tract plus a number of organs in your body most of us know little about. So, I’m going to write about it for 9 days! Thanks for giving me the impetus so others can learn from the privacy of their own computers.

Dr. Bernard Jensen is basically the poo guru of all time (Tissue Cleansing Through Bowel Management and other books). See Dr. Jensen’s book. He often complained that other cultures talk about elimination without shame or squeamishness, but we Westerners are so neurotic about it. For the rest of this post, I’m going to pretend we’re not, because elimination is so critical that we’d be wise to get educated about it!

You might not know I was trained as a sex therapist, within my education as a marriage and family therapist. If I taught parents about how to talk to their children about sex, I’d insist on using anatomically correct sexual terms. Not weewee and tata, which send this message: “Dear Daughter or Son, I am embarrassed by this topic! Please don’t expect me to ever give you any good information about it! Get your info from your friends, or online–anyone but me! Go right ahead and have an unhealthy attitude toward sex, like I do!”

Vagina, penis, clitoris, orgasm . . . did that shock you? Do you feel you got punched in the face? Well, if I were teaching you a class on how to talk to your kids about sex, I’d use those words so many times that after a while, you might actually yawn as I said them. (Heck, I’ve done this for a roomful of 100 men, most over the age of 40– ohhh, the raised eyebrows and dropped jaws! My own objections to talking about human sexuality are LONG gone!) Why would I do such a crazy thing in a sex-ed class? Because that way, your walls are down to go talk to your kids about the body parts and passions they HAVE and are going to USE someday. Information that needs to be precise, objective, and CORRECT–coming from the people they trust most who have their best interests at heart.

I’ve digressed. But we’re going to do the same thing with another subject (like sex) that everyone needs to know about but nobody seems to want to talk about except to make jokes. We’ll talk about pee, poo, cleansing, flatulence, the WORKS. Prepare yourself or abandon ship now.

First, pee. Dark yellow (concentrated) urine is normal, especially for first thing in the morning. You can’t and never will absorb ALL the minerals and vitamins you eat, even if you’re on the S.A.D. and not getting enough. (Thus the need for high bioavailability, which means food that’s most useful and readily absorbed by humans.) If you’re seeing dark urine throughout the day, you’re not getting enough WATER. All about poop tomorrow, and the green poo question (you have 24 hours for mental prep).